Will they cheat again? This question plagues everyone who discovers their partner's affair. You have history with this person, you may have children and grandchildren together, you want to give them the benefit of the doubt. But, will they cheat again? Who can handle that type of pain more than once?
When you discover an affair you start to look at everything in your relationship as a lie, trust is shattered and your self-esteem tanks. Our emotions, anxiety and fears are all over the place, making it hard to clearly answer this question.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
We have all heard this expression, but is there any truth to it? Does it apply to your partner? Everyone is different and everyone's situation is different, so we cannot answer this question for you. There are some clues to look for, however.
They blame you for their unhappiness
What? This is my fault? I am not enough? Seems crazy that we would believe that their unfaithfulness was our fault in any way, but someone likely to cheat again will lead you to believe that you were not meeting their needs, they are overly critical of you and are setting you up to fail. They are creating their reason to cheat again. You will notice that it's always someone else's fault, they are always the victim. Looking at their own actions doesn't happen because they are too busy blaming everyone else.
They are angry that you are still hurt or untrusting.
Dealing with the pain and grief of an affair is a very long process and can take years of hard work to recover. I like to think of it like this, if I intentionally did something that devastated my partner what would I do? Are you kidding me? I would do everything and anything to make it right. I would ask for forgiveness, I would go to counseling, I would give them my access to all of my accounts, I would be transparent about where I was going and who I would be with, I would answer all of their questions honestly and I would have endless patience with their needs. Right? I would do all of this because I was truly sorry. You would too. Cheaters who are mad that you are still upset a month, a year, 3 years later are not putting your need to heal in your way above themselves. That's what we want to see, the choice to love you where you are no matter what.
There have been many studies completed on this subject that may be wise to read. One study "Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? Serial Infidelity Across Subsequent Relationships" indicates that someone who has cheated is 3 times more likely to cheat again.
Understanding your worth.
You have been deeply hurt and will require guidance on how to process everything that is happening to you. Learning how to set expectations and boundaries to protect yourself and learning to care for and love yourself are key elements to coming out of this a better and stronger person. The more that you understand about who you are and what there is to love about you, the higher your standards become on how you should be treated. This is a good thing. You deserve to be happy, to treat others with kindness and respect and to be treated with the same kindness and respect.
Do you struggle with any of these issues?
✔️Racing and Obsessive Thoughts
✔️Lack of Healing
✔️PTSD from their Affair
✔️Seemingly Never-Ending Grief
Don't worry, you DO have the strength to heal from this!
Find meaningful guidance, community with others going through the same trauma, and healing!
We know how hard it is to heal after being cheated on and believe that no one deserves to live a broken life.
With After the Affair you receive access to:
An affair recovery video session once a week for 8 weeks, guiding you through the healing process required after their affair.
Watch sessions around your schedule and as often as you would like.
Weekly healing exercises to guide you through your pain
You receive unlimited access to our amazing support group on Facebook
Begin your path towards healing and becoming stronger, braver and more whole than ever before!
Click here to start healing, because no one deserves to live life broken ---> aftertheaffair.co