‘If it were me, I would want to know.’ He checked his wife’s phone and saw text messages between her and my husband. My stomach fell out from under me.’
“I was in my closet (my go to place when things get hard for me), curled up in a ball, sobbing. Not just sobbing, it was this sound I didn’t know I could even make. I was wailing. I lost all control of my thoughts, emotions, and my physical body. One word raced through my mind, tormenting me, ‘why?’
I had a good life. I just gave birth to my second daughter and my oldest just turned three. I loved being their Mama! I was the kind of woman that gave everything for her family and put myself in last place or just completely ignored my own needs. Cook three meals a day, clean, walk the dog, set up playdates, teach ABCs, encourage my husband, listen to Kidz Bop and enjoy it more than the kids, full time mom and wife. I loved it, my whole day was purposeful! I really loved this precious time with my girls.
Thank God my step-mom came to the game that day. I gave my baby to her and stood on the field in the rain, willing myself not to throw up. I have no clue what happened at the game, I just stood there as a hoard of three year olds chased a ball around me.
I got the girls home and started to pack. After a nine hour drive we arrived at my grandmother’s home. We were there for a week and from the mess I packed you could tell I was out of my mind. It was cold and we were in flip flops, no one had underwear, toothbrushes, diapers, jackets. The worst part was I was nursing my baby. She would cry and cry, she was hungry. I would nurse her, but just wasn’t making enough milk all of a sudden. I was too stressed to care for her basic needs, food. If this doesn’t piss a mama bear off, I don’t know what does. All I could do that week was sob, hysterically sob and compulsively take showers. I felt so dirty, and so much shame I didn’t think I would survive. I just needed to be clean. I scrubbed myself raw, ten, twelve showers a day. I couldn’t get myself clean. I couldn’t answer ‘why?’
We returned home and as the weeks went by I found out it wasn’t an affair with one person, it was so many people he couldn’t even put a number on it. I felt like I was being held under a waterfall, I was being pounded to death by violent waters, beat against rocks, occasionally I would make it to the surface for just enough air to keep me alive and then the current would pull me back down.
I isolated myself completely, many of my friends were involved, I couldn’t trust anyone. I was so alone. In my darkest moments I would open the medicine cabinet and think, ‘if I took all of those pills, maybe I would go to sleep and never wake up.’ I was paralyzed with fear, panic attacks, flashbacks and anxiety, and never could shake that, ‘why?’ Yes, he would give excuses or try and explain himself, but there was a deeper ‘why’ a sorta purpose driven ‘why.’
Our marriage didn’t survive, I fought hard to save our family but ultimately I could only control myself and had to let go. Days turned into years and the anxiety and fear slowly started to leave. But that ‘why’ didn’t leave. Nope. I would pray and beg God to show me why this happened, there had to be a bigger reason, I couldn’t understand it. I felt such a pull to something significant, something I did not understand yet. Then it happened.
Several of my friends were sadly going through the same thing I faced and I was able to be there for them, to listen and cry on the phone during kidless holidays. This was it, this was my beauty from the ashes! I got an idea and started planning and saving for years. I was going to make a way for everyone struggling with their partner’s infidelity to have access to help. You see I had a long list of excuses for not reaching out and getting help. I was too depressed to make a phone call, I was a single mom and broke, I was too busy, I was afraid someone would see me going to a therapist… Since I didn’t get help, I just stayed and sat in my misery for much longer than necessary. This is a fate I would never wish on anyone.
After years of sleepless nights and long weekends of non-stop working, I finally launched a support site called After the Affair. You see, I wanted to create a straight to the point, no-nonsense, private, and affordable way for people to get help.
Not help for their relationship, (there are plenty of people doing that) help for them, help for the healing of their own heart. I created a solution I longed for six years ago. When I think back over those years of sobbing in my closet, or spending hours getting ready to leave because I wanted to look perfect so no one knew I was dying on the inside, I see a little girl who just needed someone to tell her what to do next. I want to, scratch that, I NEED to do that for others. It’s my freakin why! After the Affair was custom designed to do just that. Bring help to everyone, right where they are, no matter their circumstances. For each subscription, we give a free subscription to someone in need. Everyone can get help, no one is turned down.
Beauty from the ashes, baby, that’s what my story is, beauty from the ashes.”
Do you struggle with any of these issues?
✔️Racing and Obsessive Thoughts
✔️Lack of Healing
✔️PTSD from their Affair
✔️Seemingly Never-Ending Grief
Don't worry, you DO have the strength to heal from this!
Our recommendation? Find meaningful guidance, community with others going through the same trauma, and healing!
We know how hard it is to heal after being cheated on and believe that no one deserves to live a broken life.
With After the Affair you receive access to:
An affair recovery video session once a week for 8 weeks, guiding you through the healing process required after their affair.
Watch sessions around your schedule and as often as you would like.
Weekly healing exercises to guide you through your pain
You receive unlimited access to our amazing support group on Facebook
Begin your path towards healing and becoming stronger, braver and more whole than ever before!
Click here to start healing, because no one deserves to live life broken ---> aftertheaffair.co
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